when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
