She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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