Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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