420 ftw
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
