There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
