Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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