Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
