let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
