The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
