i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
