We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
