the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She's JV to your varsity
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
