So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
