I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
