I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize