The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
