She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
