my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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