Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.