So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
