oh god the rape fog is back!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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