Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
