Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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