I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
