Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
