Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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