So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
