Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
