Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag