is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU