so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on