haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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