I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My bed smells like the plague
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
