How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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