Got a toothbrush?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And then he peed in my hair
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