i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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