Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize