So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
