I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
