I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
