Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
