when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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