im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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