oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Boobs speak an international language.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
