Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
