I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
