Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
