if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
