I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
