Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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