i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
