Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
