god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
