oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
