i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
