I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
