apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Less talking, more tequila
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I lost the right to judge tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
