Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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