I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
