I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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