yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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