his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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