guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need water and some morals
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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