i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
