I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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