i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
